BLANCANIEVES

Directed by Pablo Berger

So I just went to the movies with my Novella y Cine class AND ÁNGEL AND FERNANDO AND CONSOL (I love when I get to see them interact. So cute. Can't get over it.) .. and we saw this movie called Blancanieves ('Snow White') .. BUT IT'S BETTER THAN ANYTHING EVER

So, the movie came out this year, but it's A SILENT FILM and in black and white .. it's purposely supposed to look like an older film. And I think it was nominated or won an award at some Spanish Film Festival WHICH IT TOTALLY DESERVED.

So it takes place in Spain, and starts with this TORERO Antonio who fights five bulls one day, and then on his sixth bull, before he goes out, he says THIS ONE IS FOR YOU AND OUR BABY to his wife in the crowd... but then he gets cocky and turns away from the bull and the bull ATTACKS. 

So Antonio goes to the hospital, and meanwhile his wife Carmen goes into labor (Carmen is a famous flamenco bailaora). SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS I DON'T CARE I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW IMMA RUIN IT FOR YOU

So Carmen dies after the baby girl is born, and Antonio is paralyzed and too depressed to even look at his new baby girl (who they name Carmencita).. ALL THE MEANWHILE ANTONIO'S NURSE FOUND OUT HE WAS RICH AND THAT HIS WIFE JUST DIED, SO SHE SWOOPS IN AND WOOS HIM BY NURSING HIM BACK TO HEALTH AND THEN MAKING HIM MARRY HER. And Carmencita goes to live with her grandma.

BUT THEN ON CARMENCITA'S FIRST COMMUNION her grandma is dancing with her and she just DROPS DEAD FROM A HEART ATTACK. I should let you know that Carmencita never sees her father but he sends her a lot of gifts..

So now that her grandma has died, she has no where to go but with her Dad and EVIL STEPMOTHER... her stepmother tells her to NEVER go upstairs (where her dad is) but she SNEAKS THERE AND THEY BECOME BEST FRIENDS AND HER DAD TEACHES HER HOW TO TOREAR.

Then one day, Carmencita (just Carmen now) is much older and HER EVIL STEPMOTHER PUSHES ANTONIO DOWN THE STAIRS AND KILLS HIM.

Then she tries to set her weird S&M lover (The Huntsman) to kill Snow White but he ends up half strangling her, then getting TURNED ON BY IT AND TRYING TO MAKE OUT WITH HER... so Carmen RAN AWAY. BUT THEN HE CHASED HER AND DROWNED HER

And then she was saved by this BEAUTIFUL DWARF RAFITA. I am not being silly. He had a beautiful face. Look:

He's the only one with the beautiful face. Don't tell me it's not. He's adorable!

Blah blah blah slowly they fall in love.. and there's only 6 dwarfs.. Carmen makes the 'seventh'... EXCEPT OH YEAH when she woke up from her DROWNED state, she didn't remember who she was. 

SO THE ENANOS ARE LITTLE TOREROS THAT GO AROUND FIGHTING LIKE, YOUNG BULLS. And one of them was getting beat up bad by the bull, and no one was doing anything to stop it because THE AUDIENCE WAS LAUGHING AND THEY LOVED IT.. but Carmen (they call her Blancanieves now.. 'como en el cuento!') couldnt stand it and JUMPED IN THE RING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE COULD TOREAR LIKE NO OTHER


blahbllhablhab she's famous, she makes it to SEVILLA WITH REAL BULLS except the dwarf she saved was jealous of her attention so he rigged it so she got like an ENORMOUS BULL but she fought so well that they had the bull pardoned! (I guess that happens RARELY, but when it happens, it's because the audience loved the fight so much that they wanted to ... sort of preserve the bull in remembrance of it)

OH YEAH BEFORE THE FIGHT BLANCA'S GRANDPA recognized her and was like YOU'RE ANTONIO'S DAUGHTER and then she remembered everything and her EVIL STEPMOTHER was watching and gave her a poisonous apple and she died and RAFITA WAS CRYING and all the other dwarfs chased her with SPEARS LIKE IN A BULLFIGHT into a corner and let the bull (THAT BLANCA FOUGHT) LOOSE on her and it killed her!

And now, Blanca is like.. an ATTRACTION AT A CIRCUS - See the awakening of the famous torera... and men (and one lady) paid 10 cents to kiss her and see if she'd wake up... and then some random guy kissed her and it was super mechanic, she was just pushed to sit up and then somehow her eyes opened and that was the trick.. but RAFITA was working at this circus, all depressed that this is what she had become.. AND THEN YOU SEE AFTER EVERYONE GOES HOME

Rafita SLEEPS IN THE GLASS CASE with her, and GIVES HER A GOODNIGHT KISS (finally).. and you see a SINGLE TEAR FALL FROM HER EYE.... and then it just ENDS AMBIGUOUSLY.


OH MY GOD IM SORRY (Not really sorry) I SPOILED IT BUT IT WAS SO GOOD. I really didn't expect to love it.. especially since it was a MUTE FILM (but lots of music)...


I'm seriously going to buy it. I need to see it again. I need the DVD. Do they make the dvd? I NEED IT.


WUTEVA RAFITA Y BLANCANIEVES (or just me, if she's dead...that's fine) PARA SIEMPRE